Monday, February 1, 2016

A Well Plated Dish

You deserve the petty life you live at home with your parents. I hope you think of me when you use the cookware and eat off the plates. I hope someday you become a man that cooks a meal for a girl. After you've eaten, she will help you clear the table and I know she will compliment the plates.

Even if you don't tell her that you stood like a buffoon in Bed, Bath and Beyond while your fiance chose the set for your wedding registry. Even if you don't tell your that you took them from your shared storage unit knowing damn well that they were important to your ex-wife. Even if you don't tell her that each of the four place settings were purchased by someone close to your ex-wife. Even if you don't tell her that its the first time you've used them in 15 years because you've been living with your parents even before you got divorced. Even if you don't tell her all that, you will know. And that moment, that great dinner and conversation will be a little bit tarnished.

But you know what? That's one experience I don't have to have. At first I though you had taken something from me, that I had been robbed. As it turns out, you gave me a gift. You gave me a reason and permission to get a new set of dishes. Something perfect for me. And someday soon, when I make that handsome, charming and sweet man a meal, I will be proud to serve my chicken pot pie on my brand new plates. Without history or tainted memories, I can serve a meal and be complimented on my dinnerware. It may seem petty and insignificant, but when the moment comes, it will be a sigh of relief for me and a sharp inhale for you.

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Act II: You Left

It was like a scene from a movie.


He said goodbye to our friends. One at a time, leaving me for last. When he looked at me, all I could see were two deep emotions, sadness and love. I promptly told him not to look at me like that, turned my head so I wouldn't cry and stood up to hug him goodbye. 

He wrapped me in his arms and I wrapped him in mine. We held each other like we didn't want to let go. No words, because none were needed. We both snuggled into each other trying to soak up every second. I felt him take a few deep breaths then we parted. He looked at me again and I sat down. He said goodbye to everyone and headed out the door. 

Holding the door open for him is our friend and my best friend in the whole entire world. The kind of separated at birth, are you SURE we aren't related?? kind of best friend. As he disappeared from the doorway, descending the stairs to his car she looked right at me and inserted babysitter voice. She said "If you don't go down there, you are going to regret it for a long time and I don't want to hear about it all night." Now, she and I have never been nasty to each other, so I knew she meant business. I retorted with "I don't have my boots on, I'll never make it." She was quick to say "Slip my shoes on and go! You are going to miss him." 

So I did. I slid my feet into the slightly too big slip on shoes. I felt like a complete moron. I was wearing skinny jeans with socks and slip on shoes. I am sure I was a sight to be seen. But I was fairly confident that he wouldn't be looking at my feet. My turn to quickly descend the stairs, feeling much like Cinderella about to lose a slipper and this time with a plot twist of chasing her prince. 

I thought for a moment, I wasn't going to make it. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, he was already getting into his car. I turned the corner as he revved the engine, so naturally, I ran. I slowed down as I reached the driver's side. I tapped on the window and smiled. He started to roll down the window when I gave him the the come-hither gesture and he promptly opened the door. 

Out of breath and nervously I said, "I was pushed out the door, told that if I didn't come down here that I would regret it for a...." 

There was no finishing that sentence. He looked deep into my eyes, smiled, placed his hand on my cheek, pulled me in and kissed me. Time instantly stops, I cant think about anything other than the feeling that washes over me. Its like serious narcotics, the best I've ever had. We hugged, we kissed, it was magic.

I looked at him and said "This will be the hardest six months of my life." All he said was "Focus." Then he kissed me again. As we parted ways, I pulled my scarf to my face as the tears bubbled to the surface. Walking behind his car, I turned and looked back. He was looking at me through the back windshield. We both waved. The lump in my throat grew and this time I couldn't swallow it.

I ran back across the parking lot and up the stairs. As I reached the door, all I wanted to do was crumple against the wall and sob my eyes out. But there was nothing to hid behind. I watched him pull out of the parking lot as I opened the front door. My vision blurred, entire body shaking with emotion. All I could think was where is my best friend?

When I found her, she was in the bathroom with the door open. Neither of us cared. I sat on her bed. She asked if I was going to cry, telling me that its okay. All I could do was nod my head. The tears flowed, I was heaving the uncontrollable and ugly cry that's so beautiful at the same time because it came at the right moment. She sat next to me, held me and we had a Grey's anatomy Christina/Meredith moment, because she's my person.

I was having so many emotions all at once and that was okay. I was so happy that we had the weekend we had together. I was so sad that he was leaving. And I was so scared about what the future held. Scared because it is unknown. Scared because I already didn't want to lose this opportunity with him. Scared because I could feel my life starting again and it felt good.

The curtain closes on a scene that we've acted countless times. My person and I are sitting on her bed with tissues and listening to Taylor Swift. We are Taylor Swift-ing our feelings out, because she has a song for every emotion.

It was like a scene from a movie. 


Tuesday, January 12, 2016

I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be....

The first kiss, not one of those heart skipping, time stopping, breath taking kisses. It was awkward in the best was possible and new. It didn't lack desire at all. But still, it was different. It was a "I can't believe I get to kiss you", kiss.

The second kiss, my brain finally understood "we get to do this!" That's when my heart skipped, time stopped and you took my breath away.

You were fully in control and I liked that. I'd wondered what this moment would be like for what seems like eternity. To feel your warm hands on me, your strong arms pull me close. I can only explain what happened, because putting the feeling into words seems a little impossible.

This isn't your typical lust story. We've known each other for years. Always had an easy friendship; very few expectations and a whole lot of trust. We've seen the other person through what each of us thought was some pretty dark times. We've been excited for new relationships, new opportunities and triumphs. We've listened and given advice (solicited and unsolicited) when those new relationships came to an end, when we felt like life had kicked us and we were down, and when we just needed to bitch.

Through all of this, our friendship grew stronger. We grew closer in the unique circumstance that we met and became friends. We also remained the most platonic as humanly possible. Reinforced by willpower, integrity and respect (qualities I'd like to believe we both pride ourselves on), we maintained this relationship status through late night talks, several snowed in drinking and gaming parties and specially made yummies for the tummy (non-dairy of course).

Now, we are faced with an opportunity we only imagined in our wildest dreams. And of course the way our lives would have it, the opportunity would knock at what seems to be the most inconvenient time.

But is it?

After spending a night with you, that I pray will never be erased from my memory, you are packing up your belongings and heading South. Embarking on a solo, character building, and exciting journey into the next chapter of your life. Although it's a new chapter, I hope that the theme of me will continue from the chapters before. Perhaps this time with a slightly stronger role.

As the pages turn in this story and you continue the trails and tribulations of searching for your leading lady, I hope you wake up and find, I've been here the whole time.

Because you belong with me.